By Charlotte Hollingsworth
I’ll admit, I didn’t actually stay up and watch this one when it aired because I was tired and it had been a long day (full disclosure, I’d had a lot of In N Out and I was had some serious meat-sleeps.)
So, instead, I present to you all the things I thought while watching this episode of Feud.
● Totally love the old timey opening, who doesn’t love a good “Dateline, California!”
● Who is this gorgeous Anne Brancroft??
● Omg Sarah Paulson just marry me I don’t understand why we aren’t holding hands
● I know it’s historically accurate, but I am bummed we don’t have a Katherine Hepburn
● This opening credit sequence is something I hope they keep for every season, assuming we are going to get more seasons with more Feuds
● I know a lot about the actual goings on around this particular Oscars night, but I am excited to see more about what happened before and after. Plus, given that we don’t have any actual video of Bette Davis’s face during the ceremony, I can’t wait to see Susan Sarandon actually catch on fire
● Catherine Zeta Jones is not someone I thought would kill it as a blonde but I am happily proven wrong
● Oh please, please do a whole season of Olivia DeHavilland and Joan Fontaine
● Oh please do that
● “... Joan Crawford is headed this way and she is not slowing down.” Did she ever?
● I like the look in to Bette Davis’s psyche given by the interviews with Olivia, who she was very close to.
● Oh yay Olivia is in the 1963 part!! Oh they did such a good job with her hair and makeup to make her look 15 years younger
● I absolutely love Bette’s house
● The balance between personal and public life is being really well presented here, Bette just doesn’t know how to both be giving of herself and be protective
● Even Oliva getting in the digs!!
● Hedda’s costumes are, apparently, created strictly from things she actually wore
● I am also impressed by how many close female companions Joan has. I hesitate to say friends, but she is closer to women in her personal life than Bette seems to be
● “Her and those slacks” oh come on Kathy H is a god
● Telephone montage!! YES!
● OK but, I would totally use an Oscar as a doorstop
● I would wear this purple robe dress thing that Joan has on in a heartbeat. Half a heartbeat
● It’s interesting looking at Hollywood as a political game like this, the way Joan feels entitled in some way because she plays the game, and yet they nominated an “outsider”
● Joan Crawford has a monogrammed phone. I could die
● Brb Sarah Paulson
● These two play a lot better on this show than AHS but that’s a subject for an entirely different time
● JOAN YOU SLICK SNAKE
● My heart is actually breaking for this poor dear
● Joan Crawford is the original “I’mma let you finish”
● Sarah Paulson’s one line “Hollywood should be forced to look at what they’ve done to her” gave me intense chills
● Side note, if there is not a Sonic within 2 miles of me it is actually quite cruel to advertise it to me
● Oh this scene is amazing, Bancroft knows exactly how to win over Joan
● Just killing it, I can’t pull away long enough to google who this woman is!
● SHE IS SO GOOD
● Everything about this show is delicious
● They know exactly what to take time on and what to rush your way through
● IS SHE PUTTING SILVER DUST IN HER HAIR
● OH MY GOD YES
● I’ve only seen video in black and white this is PHENOMENAL
● Dude in clear glasses is the only person speaking some damn truth
● They recreated her ensemble perfectly and I am so pleased
● “You’re bigger than this.” “No I’m not.” - there it is, the whole show
● Both women are doing this, but I am so impressed by Susan Sarandon’s ability to be Bette Davis, but not once be doing an impression of her
● I want Bette to win so badly, I hate knowing how this ends
● Just kidding this is going to be fabulously horrible
● My desire to see the world as a happy place is overshadowed by my love for drama
● OOOH SHIT HERE WE GO
● *takes large sip of martini*
● They did not make her eyebrows as crazy as they were in real life but that’s ok
● She’s got the voice down
● She got herself on that damn stage twice what a wonderful monster
● Also I love Lawrence of Arabia and this tiny bit of the score means that’s what I’m listening to after this
● Remember when Oscars speeches were 13 seconds or less what a time to be alive
● Oh my god did Joan Crawford just lead David Lean through a bathroom?!
● Oh yes
● Yes she did
● This woman is a professional
● I don’t even know my own house this well
● Bless a tracking shot bless a single tracking shot this is phenomenal
● Aw Sinatra really made that dumb joke
● I am getting pre-chills
● Oh god Bette
● I can’t
● Oh Bette
● OH MY GOD
● This is one of the best scenes of television I have ever seen
● She walked PAST HER
● I am so glad Olivia was there
● PUNCH HER IN THE HEAD
● Susan Sarandon should get an Oscar for this moment right here
● If I were Bette Davis I would have egged her house
● After downing a bottle of whiskey
● I might cry
● That’s a tear right there I just wanted this for Bette so bad
● Can we talk about how good a show has to be for me to actively root for something to happen that I know as a historical fact did not?
● I can’t believe they let Joan take the statue home
● FEEL BAD JOAN
● FEEL BAD
● YOU DID A BAD THING
● Oh my god was that it???
WHEW. What a ride! Ryan Murphy pulled out the stops on production value on that episode, and I think we can all agree it was worth it. I am actually worn out, I just felt my back unclench for the first time since that Sonic commercial. I am also finding it impossible to find the name of the woman who played Anne Bancroft, please someone assist me in the comments or to my face. I need to know.
Stay tuned next week when we watch what is actually episode 6, and I probably end up tearing my hair out.