Moving In? Wait A Sec...

By Hayes Spencer


Hey, me again. I started drinking white wine instead of red, and I’ve already noticed my teeth not as “dark” looking as they used to. Next topic - “Beauty tips by Hayes”. Chris, remind me about this in the am.

Moving in with a significant other is a beautiful, beautiful thing - but keep in mind, this should be a choice and not out of convenience.  The difference between a choice and a convenience is simple; think long and hard about why you want to move in with your significant other. Conveniences that make you want to move in with your partner are: cheaper rent, makes sharing clothes easier (same sex couples typically), and easier to see each other with busy schedules.   

If any of these reasons are your defining factors, DO NOT DO IT!!!  

Choices, meaning you are not obligated to move in with said significant other, are: more sex, spending more quality time together, more sex, combining your wine collections, more sex, and last but not least, moving your relationship to the next step.  

Now, let me be the first to say, moving in with your significant other, as opposed to a roommate, is much more difficult.  For starters, you now have two of everything. Even random things you never thought would be a problem. You immediately become hoarders.  

Don’t worry, currently on the phone with A & E...

But seriously, you now have two microwaves, two toasters, two vacuums, two printers...  not only didn’t you JUST move all that shit to the SECOND floor of your new apartment in the POURING RAIN, but now you have to sit down together and go through each item one by one. The ensuring conversation goes something like this:

“Ok, so I bought MY microwave 2 years ago.  The clock is 8 minutes fast, and it will short circuit the breaker when warming something up for more than 2 minutes. What’s wrong with yours?”  

Let me tell you, finding an apartment, signing a lease, getting TWO U Hauls in 52 minutes to the westside of Los Angeles in the one and only yearly rainstorm was easier than the “mine or yours....” convo.  

Anyway, after countless hours and TWO car loads to Goodwill, (TAX WRITE OFF!!!), you are finally out of the hoarder danger zone. Now, the next obstacle comes completely unexpectedly.

I never realized what kind of individual I was until I met my darling, sweet, caring, boyfriend. His room was always 15 notches better designed than mine; his kitchen always picture perfect, and his bathroom, always color coded.  

My apartment on the other hand was 100% functional, and 0.000000008% decorated.  In the two years we have been dating, not one picture was put up on the wall, not one towel was color coded, not one hand soap was “better smelling” than the one last month.

Listen, I spend half my life traveling for work, and the other half getting ready for the next business trip. No, I don’t know what scent my hand soap is, but I can tell you that it is antibacterial (ya nasty) and always filled.  

So upon moving in, merging two things into one, we now have a scented hand soap in a functional hand soap dispenser, color coded towels, with no hand towel rack, and four different types of shampoo (being blonde is a f**king CHORE).  My point is, function vs. appeal was a major life change.

After that milestone, we moved to the closet…

ONE of us, (me) has a minimalistic clothing lifestyle. Things are organized in a “grab and go” manor.  I may have 4 hours to get from LAX to the house and back to catch my next flight. In between laundry, sex, boxed mac and cheese, and a half bottle of wine, there really isn’t much time to pack. But I know exactly where everything is, and I know what I want to wear

The OTHER one of us, (not me) owns all of Zara (Seasons 2014-2017), every single H&M t-shirt, every “jogger pant” ever designed, and about 200 pairs of socks.  We could open our own Goodwill and about 78% of Los Angeles would be fully clothed. Merging from 2 separate closets to one, long closet, with a connecting middle...  lets just say one of us compromised more than the other.

“Oh, the vacuum, steamer AND extra television need a place to be stored??  Sure, why not? I have just a tiny amount of floor space in MY side of the closet.”

And do NOT even get me started about how many pillows we currently have on our bed.  

Sacrifices.  Sacrifices are another huge part of moving in.

“Oh, you don’t like the smell of that candle?”

“Oh, we now have THREE crock pots?” ** disclaimer, I haven’t cooked since 2006**.

“Great, we get one parking spot while living in downtown West Los Angeles.”  

Sacrifices with a roommate are color coded, weekly changed, hourly monitored. (initiate the nasty texts or the passive aggressive post-it notes everywhere).

Sacrifices with a significant other are more like,  “sure darling, I’ll park 18 BLOCKS away and walk back to the apartment, I hope you’re enjoying your MOVIE.  **smile on**

Moving in with your significant other does have its perks:  moving to the next stage of your relationship is a beautiful, beautiful thing.  You get to know each other on a completely new level. You get to experience life together. You get to share one bathroom, which is the biggest life hurdle you will ever have to accomplish.  My next article will def be about “making your bathroom spacious, organized, and usable.

All in all, wait until you are ready.  Like REALLY ready to move in. Share things, merge others. Share a bathroom **crying emoji**  and boat load of clothes. Also, be sure to find a place that is dog friendly and always remember to tolerate each others habits.