My Truth

By Logan Carter

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Sometimes I still can’t believe you’re my mine. I had a huge crush on you since the first time I met you two years ago. Back then, I didn’t know why, but I felt so connected to you; I wanted to know you more. I sometimes just sit and smile to myself because I think of you and of how lucky I am to be with such an amazing man whom I love and adore.

I cherish every moment with you. Every touch and every kiss. You leave me breathless. I’d never known what it was like to be loved by someone until I met you. In fact, I didn't even know it was possible.

Your warm brown eyes gaze on me and your lips part with a half smile as you look at me. It’s not what you say, it’s the things you do. It’s the way you always pull me into you when we’re sleeping. When you get your fingers lost in my hair, and when you rest your hand on my stomach as you doze off.

Remember the first time I cut your hair? How you smiled as I kissed your check and told you you looked handsome despite the pink cape draped around your boney shoulders. Or the way you looked at me as we ate dinner at the beach? Do you realize that each look you give is worth 1,000 words?

I wonder if you think of me and smile. Or look at pictures of me when you miss me - like I do when I miss you. Not that you have much time to miss me; I hate spending much time apart from you. Even when you’re grumpy because people are “fucking stupid”, or when you just want to stay in and play video games. I’d rather sit in silence with you than talk to a room full of anyone else.

I never thought of myself as anything special, but you make me believe I have something to offer the world, and for that, I’d fight for you. I’d run up a mountain if it meant you were waiting for me on the other side. I’m cheesy and I talk a lot, and I probably say “I love you” too much; but I have to speak my truth.

The phrase: “I love you” never meant so much to me as the first time you said it. I think I cried some happy tears. I’m not much of a crier, except when it comes to you. I remember crying on your leg after we had our first fight, begging you not to leave, saying: “I’m sorry” over and over.

That’s what trauma can do to you; and you never took an issue with any of my issues. I remember the first time I had an anxiety attack around you. I had called you after a car almost ran me off the road, and after I told you what happened I didn’t want to burden you and tried to get off the phone, but you wouldn’t let me. You stayed on the line for another hour. I always call you when I’m scared or nervous, or simply because your voice always soothes me; like a lullaby to a baby.

It might not always be easy but it’s always worth it. I chose you months ago, and I choose you everyday. What you bring to the table, no one else has to offer. I’ve always believed everything happens for a reason, but we don’t always know the reason; not at first anyways. In time, we come to know the truth. Fate has a confusing way of unfolding, but thankfully this path lead me to you.