I never wanted to risk doing anything that might draw suspicion or invite ridicule.  I now understand how harmful homophobia is to everyone it touches, not just gay people.  It creates an unhealthy environment that forces people to conform out of fear of violence.  For the first time in my life, I had a serious issue that I knew I could not discuss with anyone, not even my mother, whom I often confided in like a best friend.  I decided to fix my horror by never giving in to my desires or even thinking about them. If I kept my thoughts and actions pure, my disease had to go away.