Made Of Gold

By Mikey Warhol


Placing myself in very dangerous situations had become my new normal. Growing up, I didn't think my life would turn out the way that it did, but those were just the cards I was dealt with. I've always felt a golden light radiating from my chest as a child, so I was desperate to get this golden light back. In an effort to be ruthlessly honest and transparent, I will let you all in on my life a bit. To put it simply, I'm an alcoholic. Alcoholism is a battle all on its own, but it is even more so when it's paired up with a nice grocery list of mental illness. My perceptual reality had become so dark and painful, that I had already accepted that I was most likely going to die prematurely. My reality was, hellish. Those who had or are struggling with addiction or mental illness know exactly what I'm talking about.

Yes, Hell is very much real and no, it is not the fire and brimstone version with screaming women and children that we hear about in fairy tales. Sometimes the real Hell is far more worse because it is within you. It is the pain, the darkness, the suffering that is brought up by your very own devilish functions. I was very ill for a very long time- so I stayed in my own personal Hell, for a very long time. I was so deep into my disease that I hardly resembled a human. I would go days on end without eating properly, showering, or even getting out of bed. The only time I would get up from my bed to cross my room which was littered in empty beer bottles and wine bottles was to walk to the corner store nearby to get more booze. I would pay in nickels and dimes because I had spent all my money, all my savings in keeping myself self-medicated.  

I thought about suicide a lot. However, my ego would not allow for that. Have you ever been so sick that you had the worst self-esteem yet the biggest ego ever? Yea, I was definitely that sick. I mourned the loss of the golden light within me for about eleven years. I continued to destroy my body and my soul through the use of alcohol and drugs until something quite amazing happened. I was almost killed. It was divine intervention at its best. I will not go into detail as to what happened for it would take many more pages to write. I have recorded myself explaining the event in full detail on my personal YouTube page. Basically, I was put into a very dangerous situation with equally dangerous and sick people. I was then hospitalized and it was there where I made the choice to seek help and go to treatment where I eventually found sobriety.

Ever since getting sober, I had come to find out I was quite the alchemist. You see, alchemists are able to transmute base metals into gold, and that's exactly what I found myself doing. I was able to transform all that pain, all that suffering into something quite incredible. I found my golden light again. My life had new meaning, and I found myself having the whole world in my hands again. I wasn't going to screw this up.  

I have a deeper understanding as to what my life purpose is, and by being able to share my story, not only does it help me release and move on, but maybe it will help others. The thing with spending so much time in the world of Hell, I became cognizant that I could easily go back there again if I'm not being mindful. However, if I should ever find myself in Hell again, I know how to get out and how to keep moving forward. There is no such thing as going back, or starting from square one. Every step-in recovery is a step moving forward, no matter where you are in your recovery.

I had to give myself a chance. A chance for self-love, self-acceptance, and a chance to truly live. I had to have a different relationship with my ego. My ego is my servant rather than master.  I always have a choice. Whether to stay stuck or keep moving forward. Here I am now, living my truth, still giving myself that chance.

So now, I encourage you to give yourself that same chance. You truly deserve to live in absolute peace and happiness. Because we are all truly golden.

You can follow Mikey on YouTube here.