By Cassidy Griffin
It has been a long journey in my life to figure out who I am. From being the ugly duckling in my school, to literally getting beaten with sticks because I was hated. My peers pretend to gag as I walked passed them in the halls, they called me nasty names, tagged me I posts saying I was "uglier that the ugliest hobo alive", I wasn't a very liked kid. I didn't really have many friends, and if I did they didn't last long. So, I had learned the hard way to try and be with myself.
Not only did I come from a weird family, but I also knew from a very young age that I was interested in females. It was always a struggle for me, hiding who I was. In my home town homosexuality wasn't accepted as much as other places. I come from a very small, one minded community.
I would hide who I was everywhere. My father, I knew, would never approve. I had to hide it as much as possible from him. My mother, on the other hand, had always known. It was hard enough for me to hide being myself in public, but hiding at home was worse when I was with my dad. I couldn't be authentically me.
When I finally told my friends they were very accepting. They asked tons of questions and tried to understand me better, because I let them into my world. When I told my father my secret his concern was not who I was interested in, but what the Lord had to say about it. Needless to say, he did not accept it. I'm still not sure if he does to this day, but if you don't speak about it, it won't hurt right?
Trying to date didn't work for me, so I had to learn to be by my self still. There weren't many options for girls my age that were interested in other females. And if there were any, we became instant best friends instead of hopeless lovers. It was difficult for me. I threw myself into work and into school in order to keep my head out of the ground.
After graduating, it still felt the same; my antisocial self. Trying to find a girl in the real world while at college? Didn't happen. Yet again, the girl I thought would be perfect, just wound up being my best friend.
"What is wrong with me?"
"Am I not good enough?"
I would ask myself these questionsover and over again. I still have yet to receive an answer.
I have spent the last 2 years since college working both in the real world, and on myself. Learning from the past, moving on, bettering my life- these became my priority. Most importantly, spending this much time with myself has made me realize my potential. I am still figuring out who I am, but my journey has been a page turner, filled with many unexpected plot developments.
I have pushed myself to be the best I can in the circumstances that have been brought to me. I have made the best out of my life circumstances. I have come to understand that I am strong, because of all of the people that have pushed me down my entire life.